Writing and Reuniting

Earlier today, I tried to sum up my home leave in one sentence for a colleague at FSI and found I couldn't do it. Mainly because words can't describe how nice it was to come back to the US and spend time with family. While I was traveling through Hawaii and Arizona, I took notes and wrote blog entries that I haven't published yet. They're rough and unfinished and have been preventing me from writing in here more often. I let the chronology get to me for fear of going back to edit posts, but tonight I really felt like writing.

I want to take a moment to write how happy I am. Life is grand at the moment and things couldn't be going smoother. This weekend, I transitioned from Philadelphia down to Arlington, VA to my new residence in downtown Rosslyn. First of all, let me tell you how stoked I am about that. All the worries melt away when you simply check in at the front desk and move into a fully-furnished apartment, just minutes from convenient groceries, restaurants, and public transportation. Not only that, but a free 10-minute shuttle to work? Yes, please. 

The shift back to being a student was a bit of a windfall, primarily because I am so looking forward to starting Italian language courses but they don't start until the end of February. Until then, I am taking two- and three-day courses on topics like Excel, SharePoint, Coaching, Diversity Training, and of course: Covey's 7 Habits of Effective People. Reminds me of Villanova all over again! Useful courses but not the most thrilling of dialogue. In any case, walking the halls of FSI has been a blast, running into old friends from orientation and a few from China as well. Soon, I will have three colleagues from Shenyang with me in training, a real treasure to reunite with them in a better setting.

Upon reflection, I really lucked out. Two fabulous years in a hardship post that could have been difficult. Times were tough occasionally, but everyone I met and everything I did was so fantastic that it completely overcompensated for the hardships. I'm really thankful to have had the opportunity for such a great first tour experience. Looking forward, I am excited for all of the great opportunities that are still coming my way. Hopefully I'll check in again as classes continue to progress. Thanks for reading!

Home

I'm writing this from an airplane taking me back to Shenyang, not knowing which direction home is for me. For those of you who don't know, I recently went home to Pennsylvania to see my Poppop who is now in hospice care. I spent from Tuesday to Saturday back home and had the blessing of an opportunity to spend time with Poppop before I had to leave. Doctors have diagnosed him with stage four lung cancer and he has been having a hard time breathing. But throughout all of his pain, my Poppop has been a steady rock, ever faithful in his belief that he is headed Home. He is not afraid of the future because he knows what is waiting for him ahead. That kind of faith impresses and humbles me, teaching me that while life is precious, it is our belief in something greater that can help us through tough times.

Four full days with my family and friends was hardly "enough" but I cannot be greedy. One hour with Poppop was worth every minute and dollar spent traveling. When I was on the fence about coming home, it was my colleagues who told me stories of their loved ones' passing that helped me make the decision. Not everyone gets the opportunity to say goodbye (especially in the Foreign Service), and it's often only the funeral that one can make it home to be part of. For four full days, I am utterly grateful.

I left early Sunday morning, and I will get in to Shenyang late Monday night. I'm stuck here in the air in limbo, a middle place between two homes. No doubt Philadelphia will always be home to me, but in the two short years I've spent in the Foreign Service, Shenyang has become a second home as well. I've nested, learned the streets, spent winters and summers in this tiny/huge city of 8 million (in addition to the biggest factor of making tons of friends here). And soon I'll say goodbye to my present home in Shenyang, maybe forever, who knows. It's scary, but exciting, because the future is unknown but very much likely better than the present. It's up to me.

Though hardly equivalent in scale or life meaning, I like to think that my Poppop is also going to a future place, unknown but much better. He will enter heaven with the light of grace shining him forward, to meet his family living on the other side. There won't be any more pain or suffering. Although he won't be with us anymore in this familiar place, he will have a future of blessings and hopefully look over us as we continue our little treks in this big world.

I'm anxious about this period of time being incommunicado with my family. I wish I could be connected here but in the end, I know that whatever will be will be. Until next time, I sign off with the hope that my Poppop is sleeping a restful night with no pain, until he's ready to make his journey home.

In the early morning of Monday, September 23, Duard Glass, my Poppop, passed away. He was 80 years old.

Dear Poppop Glassie: I love you, forever. Thanks for the best birfday cards, lots of belly laughs, and being a great model of faith in my life. I'll miss you, but know that you're in a better place. Your Caroline

http://www.deckerfuneralhome.com/obituaries.asp?id=1075

Et cetera - "On the meaning of home, the joy of traveling and the serenity of standing still"

In continuation of my earlier discussion about home leave, I want you to watch this TEDtalk video of Pico Iyer. Pico Iyer is a well-known author who writes about travel and culture and has himself traveled hundreds of thousands of miles around the world as a man from many backgrounds. As a foreign service person, I can relate to his sentimets in this video about what home is. Many times I've thought while traveling, "Ah, this is nice, but I can't wait to be home (in my apartment)." And then there's times where I'm in my apartment in Shenyang and I go, "I miss home (Philadelphia)." And of course, there is always the feeling I get when I've been in one place for so long that I get an itchy sensation in my body to travel again, move places, and experience new things. The state of learning and exploring is also a kind of "home" for me, too.

Who knows where this wanderlust came from, but one thing remains the same: I find that the people in my life and the memories I have with them are ultimately what I call home, and those memories are kept and treasured deep inside of me.

Enjoy!

“It’s only by stopping the movement that you can see where to go. And it’s only by stepping out of your life and the world that you can see what you most deeply care about, and find a home.”

…

“Movement is a fantastic privilege and it allows us to do so much that our grandparents could never have dreamed of doing. But movement, ultimately, only has a meaning if you have a home to go back to. And home, in the end, is of course, not just a place where you sleep. It is the place where you stand.”